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The Benevolent Lords of the Realm

Who are these mysterious figures from fantastical lands? They are the lords of Commonwealth Flats, and I assure you they are quite mad.

Niles

Niles is the Divine Supreme Leader of Scarfland. He is also a dick. In Scarfland, he's been groomed from birth for dominion over the pathetic mortals who surround him. He generally views them as pawns to be pushed around for his entertainment, an attitude which directly applies to his idiot roommates as well.

His main motivation for crossing into our world is his desire to gain acclaim as a great artist. This has been denied him in his own world due to the fact that his art sucks.

Niles' favorite childhood memory was his "enmasculating" ceremony. This is a Scarflander rite of passage similar to the stingray spine penis piercing rituals of the Mayans of old.

Gordon

Gordon is the Mayor of Wickerton. In Wickerton, Gordon maintains a tenuous grasp on power using subterfuge and political machinations to hide that fact that he is not quite as much of a whore as required by the Wickertonian constitution. These efforts cause him a great deal of stress and unhappiness.

Gordon comes to our world to unwind and just be himself, namely an excitable spazz who is up for literally anything. Relative to our contemporary morals he is a slut to the nth degree which makes him feel pretty damn good.

Gordon recently discovered social media and takes great joy that people will listen to his moronic observations. So far he has one follower who happens to be a porno spambot. Gordon is convinced they are fast friends and can't wait to meet "her." You can see his tweets here: @gordonissexy.

Marcus

Marcus is the brutal and tyrannical Baron of Stickburg. There he is the most feared man ever to set foot on the faces of his enemies. Owing to the poor nutrition and lack of any educational system he is also a bit of a nincompoop. Nevertheless, he rules with the homicidal ruthlessness necessary to keep such a fierce people in check. Secretly he is a real sweetheart.

His main motivation in crossing over is to take a break from the savagery and indulge in his true and secret loves: being kind to people, eating cookies, and feeling good.

Marcus' favorite movie is 1982's The Beastmaster. He occasionally tries to communicate with animals to mixed effect.


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