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The Fantastical Realms of the Realm

What are these fanstastical realms from which our mysterious heroes hail? They are the lands of Commonwealth Flats, and I assure you they are quite mad.


Scarfland is an aristocratic land of culture and refinement and has dedicated much of its wealth to the pursuit of knowledge and the arts. As a result it's developed some of the most advanced centers of learning in the olden worlds.

In Scarfland it's considered de rigueur for the aristocracy to be incredibly gifted in all of the arts. It's also very common for Scarflanders to be arrogant dicks.

Scarfland is ruled by a Divine God-King groomed from birth to preside over the theocracy. The God-King must abstain from any sexual activity and remain virginal for the duration of his reign. His heir is conceived using erotic literature and a specially crafted device known as "The Celestial Proxy."


Wickerton is a pastoral province of peace and tranquility. It's also renowned throughout the ancient worlds for the unquenchable sexual appetite of its inhabitants.

In Wickerton, one's social stature is intimately tied to the scope of one's sexual exploits, and only the most deviant of perverts can rise to public office. Also wicker hats are very popular.

Wickerton is ruled over by a Lord Mayor elected by majority vote of the "Council of Sexual Necromancy." Common mayoral duties include adjudicating land disputes, appointing of Ministers, and community fisting.


Stickburg is a brutal and barbaric realm ruled by the dripping edge of a blood soaked battle-axe. The land suffers from terrible hygiene, endless plagues, constant pillaging and occasional raping.

Stickburg's culture never advanced beyond the "Stick Age" due to the long held belief that learning attracts evil spirits and books are an excellent fuel for burning people alive.

The Great Tribal War of Stickburg finally quieted when a snaggle toothed warrior rose from the eastern salt bogs to crush those who opposed his lofty dreams of Stickburgian unification. As the newly anointed Overlord of the Realm, his duties include killing challengers to the throne in ritual blood sport, killing traitors from his retinue in ritual blood sport, and convincing his people that hand-washing is not grounds for ritual blood sport.

A Modern Day Apartment

Although we find the modern world mundane and boring and yearn for the icy cold hand of death to rescue us from its banality, the lords of Commonwealth Flats find it absolutely enchanting.

Their apartment is a tiny place in a terrible neighborhood, but it makes up for it with its extremely large closets and access to alternate realities.

Long ago, The Mad Scribe - Caius the Elder entered a fugue and made a map of the worlds. Marcus found a copy when he was cleaning the shitter. You can see it here, or a larger version of it here (opens in new window).

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